Gracie, “Wow, momma! You’re really getting
thinner already.”
Me, “Thank you, Gracie. You are now my
favourite child!”
She smiles and rolls her eyes, knowing that
I’m teasing and then I squeeze her because she recognises aloud, “You don’t
have one favourite. We’re ALL your favourites.”
The sweet compliment she paid me has
encouraged me today as I reluctantly put one foot in front of the other and
invested some time on the treadmill. On my own in the garage, with music
playing in my ear and feeling the rhythm of my feet turning minutes into miles
is a great place to gather my thoughts or at least attempt to un-muddle them a
little.
We have been blessed for the fifth time
with an adorable little von Meding. Eli James has been here for ten days now
and long anticipated before that. I found it difficult, while pregnant, to
accept that we would soon have a new little one in the house. I often struggle
with this reality while pregnant, not really believing that it’s happening
(even while in labour) until I scan their tiny face, hear them cry and hold
their precious fragile body in my arms. I.am.overwhelmed. Overwhelmed, and in
awe of the fierce and gentle swell of love for them. I have done nothing to my
heart to facilitate this emotion, it just happens. Effortlessly, painlessly my
heart expands to love another little one without condition, protect without
fear, serve without (much) complaint and sacrifice. Sacrifice to the point of
death would not be too costly to me; such is my love for them. My Gracie Boo is
correct. I don’t have favourites. Each is as precious to me as the last. Each
one in their diversity and with the different challenges they bring us hold
their place firmly and independent of merit in my heart.
These thoughts come to me in a jumble of
tears and with a quiet voice in my heart that whispers, "How much more does the
Father love me?”
I am loved. You are loved. No favourites.
