Two years ago we abandoned Christmas. We had done some research and with encouragement from some non-celebrating friends told our families. To be honest, it was a HUGE relief. Each Christmas, for us, was bound up in excess and debt and guilt. So much debt. So much guilt. We borrowed to buy and to look like we were doing fine financially. We borrowed to give it away to friends and family including our kids. We borrowed and I felt guilty. Guilty because I hadn't given enough, guilty because I knew we couldnt afford it. Guilty because it had to be paid back. Somehow borrowing to give robbed the joy of receiving presents too. It felt wrong, but confusing because I loved spend time with family on Christmas Day, but I couldn't afford the shame of not affording it. It also felt wrong to give our kids boxes of stuff on one day and expect them to believe it was all about Jesus.
We had read about the origins of the season, the evils of what the tree represented and the pagan roots of the holidays date. We were rather dogmatically convinced that *Jesus* would not be bothered if we celebrated Christmas or not. We ran with this as the primary reason, "it's not Jesus' birthday."
I still feel a bit self righteous when I think that even if it was Jesus' special day, He definitely *would feel strongly about me stuffing my belly and expanding my stuff collection while emptying our wallet into our loved ones under the guise of celebrating Him. But I still think it, self righteously or not. (I'm allowed to think this way, because I'm judging myself and how we celebrated the holiday, not you! I realise many people give to charity and give their time serving others, etc.)
That first year of 'giving up Christmas' we spent having lunch with friends, playing at the park and giving the kids a gift each so they weren't missing out. It was a lovely no-pressure day that I still have fond memories of.
The second year was a bit more surreal. Our first in the summer heat of Australia, waddling around like Mary herself in my 9th month of pregnancy. Jay had just told me he was not a Christian any more, so I had no idea what I was supposed to do about Christmas. One of Jason's work colleagues and his wife dropped in unexpectedly on Christmas Eve with a thoughtful gift for each of our children. The wife asked if we had a tree she could place them under? "Errr, no." She asked if we had a manger, perhaps?! (Still makes me giggle awkwardly) "No, no manger! I'll just put them on the counter." The truth seemed too odd to explain. We gave the kids three gifts each last year and I gave promises to My Love. We ate a meal together and Jay prayed for the last time. It too was a day I remember as being really special in a difficult time.
Now to this year. I'm happy with giving three gifts each to our children. (Neither Jay or I are particularly motivated about gift giving for each other.) I'm feeling fairly neutral about a tree, although we don't have one. I kinda want to celebrate Jesus on His not-birthday. It feels like the right thing to do. I'm not sure what we'll do. In a months time it will all be over and I hope it will hold special memories too, whatever the day brings.
