This time last year, I was wondering what I could honestly write on our anniversary to my love. I made a card for him that declared on the front that he was "My Favourite," because he was - still is! We had just survived our first difficult year in the 17 we had been a couple. It was our 11th anniversary and I felt like writing, "Happy Anniversary! Well, we had a good solid 10 years and then this one...It will be better again." Of course, I didn't write that. I think I wrote something like, "this year was awesome because it brought us Eli." This was true, but not the whole truth. It was (is) a challenging season in our relationship.
I came across an old blog entry. You can take a look here if you like. I wrote this three years ago and, I don't mind telling you, it made me cry a little at the sweet memories of how things used to be. It's not like we hadn't had troubles before now, just not ones that divided us so painfully.
In the year since last, things have gotten better for both of us and if not better, at least different - not worse. I can safely say it was a "not worse" year, apart from the brief time where I wanted to kill myself, but apart from that, not worse. (Too soon to joke? I have a problem with inappropriate humour...) We're still sorting ourselves out, still wading through stuff and getting to know our new selves and each other better in the process. I can safely say, we like one another better than last year and we're still very much in love - that never changed.
When I hear couples say things like, "we had a few rough patches - every couple does," I used to think, "not us!" We did just fine for a huge chunk of our lives so this "excrement smacking the fan moment" was a steep learning curve for both of us. I told jay I was going to tell you good people what we have learned from this time. He laughed at the idea we had learned anything...so I continue speaking for myself, haha! ;)
I have learned that we have the ability to hurt each other terribly...so be kind. Empathy. I can't tell you of its importance. Even when you think you know what's going on with someone, you might not. I'm not sure how empathy is even possible without a deep understanding of each other and open, honest communication.
I have learned that we all need somebody to share hard times with...so we need more people than just us. (Hi friends, I love you! Sorry about the inappropriate joke - you are literal life savers.)
I have learned that honesty is better than bottling things up...but that it's good to chose your timing wisely. Every moment is not a good time to share your deepest thoughts and feels.
I have learned that when you come to an impasse, you should probably seek outside help. Communication is SO important. It is also probably the most cliché thing to say when talking about marriage, but it's true. You would not believe how fantastically terrible Jay and I are at communicating when we disagree. (Mostly Jay, but sometimes me too 😉) I'm pretty sure we need help in that area and since we both want to improve we will work it out.
I have learned that love is pretty powerful. Jason is a great many things to me, and I to him. *We are not our disagreements. Our differences don't get to define our relationship. Outside of those things, he is my best friend, the best parent tag-team member for our children, the hottest man around (at least in my eyes.) I love talking to him, I miss him when he's not here, basically, I really really like him. There's no one else for me, he is unique. I truly love him and because of this, we'll do what we said we would. I continue to take him to be my treasured husband, to have and to hold, for better AND for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health to love and to cherish till death us do part.
I love you babe, happy 12th anniversary!
